Interpersonal savvy is “having a range of interpersonal skills and approaches. It is knowing when to use what with whom- customers, senior leaders, peers, external stakeholders, direct reports.”*

And the most important part of interpersonal savvy that we must master?

How savvy are we relating to ourselves.

Be it running a start-up, or climbing the corporate ladder, or trying to order our bespoke almond extra hot coffee.

At the core, we are all trying to get good at working efficiently with other beings.

Sometimes we call this “leadership.”

So no matter how you want to label this, this is something worth honing.

Read some books, find some drills, build some skills.

Or hire a coach. 

After all, this is an investment to let us thrive in the game of our lifetime.

“Monthly 30 minutes 1-on-1s with every one of your direct reports”

During these 1-on-1s, talk about these 3 things:

1. What each other did this last month
2. What’s important to them this upcoming month and anything they need to accomplish them?
3. “Here is something I think you will enjoy.”
   (not a task or goal, for f’s sake)

This is a compound exercise. This forces you to flex multiple skills, from empathy to planning to being resourceful to commitment.

It’s the burpee of leadership practices. It’s awkward, unpopular, complicated, but ultimately useful and very effective.

Spend 30 minutes and set those up now, boss.

The moment she locked her eyes on me and asked me an objectively harmless question, I peed in my pants.

How do you build trust in the first one-on-one meeting with your team member? These first meetings are fragile- You want trust, they want proof.

Yet most advices suggest us to ask question and listen. I disagree, especially if you are a boss and if you want to #bossbetter.

What we need to work on is to know when to flex between asking and sharing.

The Share First Approach:
By sharing first, you set the tone of the meeting.

“So David, tell me about you” and “Hello David, I would love to introduce myself to you” feel very different.

The Ask First Approach:
If you prefer to ask first, be sure to sprinkle in your sharing often. The goal is to relate, find common grounds, and prompt elaboration with your team:

“Oh wow you decided to leave. It must be hard for you! One time, at band camp …”

Lastly, when sharing and asking, be sure to explore hobbies and failures. This refines the tone of the meeting- boss is ready to be authentic and vulnerable.

And the question she asked me was …. “What do you think?”